


Mitaka's Adorable Mutiny

by Anorlost



Series: Mitaka's Mutiny [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, attempted mutiny, delicious scones, kind of, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 18:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6481639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anorlost/pseuds/Anorlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mitaka threatens mutiny in the most polite, adorable way possible and Hux has no idea how to handle it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mitaka's Adorable Mutiny

**Author's Note:**

> This is how I would imagine my fellow countrymen attempting mutiny. We are a very polite and kindly bunch.

With datapads making correspondence more efficient and less costly, it was rare to receive any sort of physical document. They still existed, of course, especially for ceremonial purposes. So when Hux received a large brown envelope on his desk, it piqued his interest, but he did not think much of it. Probably some sort of invitation to an event his schedule would not allow him to attend, or perhaps that transcript of damage costs he had requested to literally rub Kylo Ren’s face in.

After spending the morning sorting through general reports he opened the envelope. Inside was…another envelope. Odd. This one was pink, with swirling patterns and delicate flowers on it. Hux’s brow arched so high it might have leapt off of his face for a moment. Carefully, he opened the second envelope and pulled the contents from it. It was beautiful parchment, he had to admit, with a lovely texture to it and a dull, pastel blue tint that complimented the envelope nicely. The letter was written with a fine, steady hand with large looping script. Hux began to read it, the admittedly elegant handwriting making it less legible than the standard, blocky print he was used to.

_Dear General Hux,_

_We have decided to mutiny._

The word, usually enough to make any commanding officer’s blood run cold with fear for their life, simply gave Hux pause. If this was, in fact, a mutiny, it was the most polite and demure mutiny he had ever heard of. It was probably a joke.

_After taking a general consensus among the crew it has been determined that due to an inability to control Lord Kylo Ren, the only option left is to take matters into our own hands. There is also general discontentment among personnel and crew over living conditions onboard this ship._

That sounded fairly serious. Hux continued to scan over the letter.

_Below you will find a list of our demands._

_-We would greatly appreciate security and guaranteed protection against Kylo Ren related incidents. Or, you know, just add Kylo Ren attacks to our insurance plan maybe. That would be nice. -It would also be really great if we could implement Taco Tuesdays and Pizza Fridays. We think it would be good for morale and also the regular food is kind of terrible. -It would be nice if you smiled more. We think you would have a nice smile._

Hux held the letter, examining it closely, trying to come to grips with the drastic change in tone.

_The mutiny will begin between 1500 and 1800 hours on Tuesday. We looked at your schedule and thought this would be a good time. However, you are a busy man, and we understand that things come up, so if this time is inconvenient we can reschedule the mutiny for another time._

_It would be appreciated if you could also bring a dessert and or salad for our potluck before the mutiny begins. I will be baking scones. Following the mutiny I will bring leftovers to the officer’s mess, but you’re welcome to take some home with you if you want. I will make plenty for everyone._

Hux stared at the letter in disbelief. He was being invited to his crew’s mutiny? He was being asked to bring a dessert? They were going to all have a dinner party before he was either lynched or thrown out the airlock?

_I hope that we can reach a compromise and the mutiny is successful._

_Yours,_

_Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka._

Hux reread the letter no less than three times to make sure he had understood all the details. There was going to be a mutiny. The leader of the mutiny was Mitaka. The mutiny will be held in five days, unless it was inconvenient, and Mitaka would be baking scones. Hux furrowed his brow and pressed the intercom button,

“Lieutenant Mitaka to my office. Now.”

* * *

 

Hux held up the little blue letter, “Lieutenant…what is this?”

Mitaka sat across from Hux, looking bright, but adamant, “It’s a notice of our upcoming mutiny, Sir. We thought it would be rude if it was sprung on you suddenly.”

Hux took out a stylus, ready to take notes on his datapad, “And who else is involved in this mutiny?”

“So far, just me, Sir. I asked Lord Ren and he showed some interest, but after I described the proceedings to him, he said no and tried to strangle me,” reported Mitaka.

Hux leaned over his desk and studied the Lieutenant. How had he come this far? How had someone as inept at being terrifying risen so high in the First Order ranks?

“Lieutenant, how would you describe a mutiny?” asked Hux, “Can you give me the presumed minutes of your proceedings?”

“Well, we would all get together and have a late lunch, because we don’t want to lock you in your office on an empty stomach. Unless you would rather be locked in your quarters. Then we would implement our changes, then let you out of your office after a few hours, you know, because we don’t want you to be uncomfortable, and hope you won’t change everything back and yell at us too much,” explained Mitaka.

“And if I didn’t want to be locked up?” asked Hux.

“Oh…I didn’t think of that,” said Mitaka, “But it would be really nice if you could, if it’s not inconvenient.”

“So you have absolutely no plans to put my head on a spike and mount it on the bridge?” inquired Hux.

“Goodness, no, Sir!” protested Mitaka.

“Huh…” mused Hux, going over the letter again. It was clearly subversive, though the complaints and suggestions seemed perfectly harmless and no mention of overthrowing the First Order had been made. Hux just, was not sure if there was any sort of punishment that was appropriate for this. The brig and reconditioning seemed too sever for what was clearly a poorly worded list of grievances. As to the mutiny itself, how was he supposed to punish Mitaka for trying to leave him in his office to work and feed him baked goods?

“I’ll look over your suggestions later,” said Hux.

“Oh no, they were demands, Sir. If the timing is convenient we _will_ mutiny,” assured Mitaka.

Hux held up the letter again, “Lieutenant, demands don’t begin with ‘We would greatly appreciate.’”

“Sir, we’re discontented, not uncivilized,” the lieutenant protested again.

“Look, this whole mutiny business is very inconvenient and I would like for you to cancel it,” said Hux, rolling his eyes slightly.

Mitaka seemed slightly shocked, “Oh dear, I was really hoping you would just go along with it. A-are you going to punish me, Sir?”

“I’m not sure. Regulations don’t exactly stipulate what should happen after…this,” said Hux, holding out the letter between his thumb and forefinger as if it were biohazardous material.

“Well, I did threaten mutiny, so it’s only fair, Sir,” said Mitaka, hanging his head in shame.

An incredibly ineffectual, dare he say _adorable_ excuse for a mutiny. Hux still felt most punishments were too harsh for the incident. Mitaka clearly had no idea what a mutiny entailed. Strike or peaceful protest would have been more appropriate, really. Hux sighed, “I’m not entirely sure it’s possible…”

“No Sir, it’s only right and proper. I deserve whatever punishment you think is necessary,” insisted Mitaka.

Hux sighed, “Come with me Lieutenant.”

* * *

 

“…and so for attempting…mutinous…scone baking…” said Hux uneasily from his usual place on the bridge, “I hereby punish you. Hold out your hand.”

Mitaka solemnly held out his right hand. Everyone else on the bridge was suddenly coughing from behind their consoles, trying to cover up giggling fits. Hux raised his own hand before bringing his middle and forefingers down lightly on the back of Mitaka’s hand. Hux looked at him, trying to be his usual stoic self, “Did that sting, Lieutenant?”

“A little bit, Sir,” he admitted.

“Good. Get back to work,” said Hux.

“I’d still really like you to try my scones though, Sir,” added Mitaka.

There were more stifled coos and giggles. Hux looked over his Lieutenant uneasily before replying, “Perhaps another time…”

And thus ended the Finalizer’s first, and most adorable, attempted mutiny.


End file.
